The Disadvantages of Toddler Tuitionposted by: Stephanie
These are just a few of the things my little bundle of bliss has learnt in the past couple of weeks...
1/ He has learnt that liquids are contained in bottles ... and that people drink these liquids (I have no idea where he has learnt the violent action of 'necking' drinks from - certainly not from me!) This has lead to him trying to drink shampoo, bleach and lemonade. Health professionals would have you believe that 7-Up is as toxic as Cillit Bang- so I'm not sure which bottle to keep higher on the shelf.
2/ He has learnt that the remote control changes the channel on the TV. How clever? How annoying more like! I'm trying to watch my Judge Judy marathon - and he keeps putting on New Zealand Masterchef!
3/ He has learnt that keys go in doors... and these doors lead to a magical Wonderland of steep concrete steps and speeding cars and rabid canines - he has found the escape hatch! And while it is tempting to let him use it - a jingle of keys now has the same effect on me as the sound of the Jaws Theme Tune. He also knows how to close the baby gate... to lock me in the playroom - whilst rushing towards the front door - car keys in hand!
4/ He has developed wonderful fine motor skills and Superhuman vision that means he can spot the tiniest, most revolting plankton sized cluster of scree ... and proceed to plop it in his mouth! He also has a penchant for batteries, cat hair and Nebulas of dust! In unrelated news - I need a Dyson.
5/ Finally - he has learnt that what goes up must come down. Or more poignantly - what goes on... must come off. Namely - his nappy. Add Gaffer tape to my shopping list.
This 'learning' is not, in any way, positive!
My son is observing! The child is learning! My toddler is revolting!